Married to the Army, not in the Army

I have the privilege of being a former Soldier, a military spouse and a Department of Army civilian. This provides me with the ability to see issues and life from a variety of perspectives. Something that has embarrassed me since my days as a Soldier is the behavior of some of the Army wives I've encountered.

Recently, I attended a high-profile event that a spouse wanted to get into without the necessary invitation. She approached my boss and me, dropped the name of a sergeant major and said he told her she would be able to get in.

When she was told 'no,' she then dropped the name of her husband's unit and said that, based on that, she should get in because the husband of the lady we just let in was only a team leader in a unit she deemed not as important as the one her husband worked for.

Really? Last time I checked, every unit ... is important to accomplishing the overall mission of the Army. We couldn't function without the riggers, Special Forces, cooks, infantrymen, medics, admin, military police or supply personnel.

First, let me state that this is directed only at a select few "Army wives" out there. I have never seen a military husband pull these shenanigans and not all wives act with such a sense of entitlement.
Ladies, we are not the rank of our husbands. We do not wear the stars, stripes, eagles, rockers or leafs. I don't have the right to yell at a specialist who does something that displeases me just because my husband is a senior NCO. Nor will I allow any wife out there to order me around just because her husband outranks mine.

Being an Army wife is not the easiest role out there, but it is one that we chose and must accept. It is not "the hardest job in the Army." Are you the one getting shot at, living in a leaky tent and getting constipated from eating meals-ready-to-eat? No. I've done all that and, believe me, being the wife at home, warm in my bed, with the ability to take a hot shower daily is a heck of a lot easier.

Living without my husband while he is deployed or on one of many temporary duty assignments is not fun and it does get lonely. I worry that someday he may not make it back home to me. I cry when I hear about a Soldier who made the ultimate sacrifice and selfishly hope that my husband will not have to do the same.

The Army does take care of us when our Soldiers are away and that's a lot more than other jobs out there do. We have family readiness groups; other wives with whom we can share our heartache and experiences; Family and Morale, Welfare and Recreation planning events to take our minds off our troubles and Army Community Service offering support in numerous forms, from counseling services to financial support.

I am proud to be an Army wife and I will never complain about my lot in life or expect to be treated differently based on my husband's rank or the unit he's assigned to. He made his own path in life. His accomplishments are his. I have supported him in his choices and offered support and advice when he needed it, but he is the one who wears the uniform and must keep to the standards the Army sets.
The benefits I receive because of what my husband does are ones that I am grateful for. I have always had healthcare. I don't need to worry about my husband losing his job or having to take a pay cut. If I ever need assistance, I can request a loan from Army Emergency Relief. I can shop at the commissary and Post Exchange to save money when times are tight.

I have a life. I have my own accomplishments. This being said, I recognize that my husband has helped me get where I am today. He's always encouraged me and offered advice as I've made decisions about my career. But, he does not have a bumper sticker saying how hard it is to be my husband because I work lots of overtime and he has to continuously listen to my story ideas or hear about the latest person I interviewed. He doesn't try to get better seating at an ... event because he is a Soldier or by dropping my name and what I do for a living. I could never imagine him saying a version of the line I've heard so often ... "What? You don't know who I am? My wife works for the Paraglide!" If he ever does try it, I'll be the first one to laugh at him.

This commentary was originally published in the Paraglide at Fort Bragg, N.C.